e-village

There's a type of early monkey, a tamarin I think, where the babies climb onto their mother's back as soon as they're born. The species lives in family groups, and as they get older, the babies start climbing all over the entire family, including older siblings, and get carried around by everyone. If a female brought up in isolation in captivity has babies, she freaks out when they climb onto her back and tries to pull them off. She has no idea how to look after her young.

The parallel between our generation and captive female tamarins is pretty clear - and actually they were described in an article making the point that there is no "mothering instinct" that tells us what to do, it's something we need to learn.

Along similar lines, this week I read a book and a blog post that highlighted the new situation we're in now where we no longer have elders to guide us in parenting, because we're far away from our parents and/or have rejected their philosophies.

[An aside: I also read an article a while ago about elephants in Africa... where all the big elephants, the elders, have been killed for their tusks, leaving the young elephants to grow up without any guidance. And the young males are not doing well at all. Without older, calmer males as role models and disciplinarians, they're forming gangs and running wild. So so sad.]

When I thought about the tamarins, our lifestyles, and the lack of elders, I realised I could better articulate an answer to C's puzzlement over why I read blogs.

I agree that elders once held our society together and that we may be missing something by no longer having them or listening to them... but for me anyway, the fact is that this is my culture now. I'll listen to what older people have to say, and am always happy to read the latest scientific findings or an expert's opinion, but I don't feel any obligation to actually do what they say - I'll use my own judgement on that. My friends and brother/sister-in-law are more important to me and I hugely appreciate the practical advice and support I've been given for specific problems.

And I don't want to go back to the time where huge families lived together and the kids were brought up by everyone - I like my privacy and independence too much (although, as I will say in the next post, this may soon be over!).

But what's missing for me is the day to day experience of what being a parent is. Not the big issues that I need help with, but the little stuff - the annoyances, the frustrations, the joys - that make you realise that you're in the same boat as everyone else and are actually doing OK. Maybe I would get this more if I were back in Sydney with all my friends and my brother's family - but maybe not, given that I work 60-80%, and everyone there either works or has other commitments, so I probably wouldn't see them all that much anyway.

When I first heard about blogs I was hugely dismissive. Why on earth would anyone want to read, or even have time to read, the meandering ramblings of other peoples' probably boring lives? But then in 2005 I was quickly going insane from T-boy's tantrums so I googled for advice on how to deal with them, and I stumbled across a couple of mommy blogs. And found a few brilliant writers who summed up motherhood so beautifully and eloquently. And was hooked.

I know there's a lot of articles saying how the internet is ruining traditional social interactions. Maybe so, but in my world of working at home, it fills a huge gap. Taking 5 minutes out of my work to read a blog is a bit like a coffee break... a catchup with someone and the immediate things happening in their life. And, by hearing of other people's experiences and worries, an affirmation that I'm doing OK.

So sweetheart, that's why I read blogs.