Writing

As long as I can remember, people have been telling me I'm a good writer. At school, the reports I turned in at uni, my theses, my work, this blog.

And it's true, there's a kind of writing I am good at. A kind of writing that is a huge part of who I am - as what I do every day as my job but beyond that too, to what I believe is my particular skill, my calling if you like, the thing that sets me apart.

But as appreciative as I am that I can earn a living from this kind of writing, I can't call myself a writer.

This blog, for example. It's not that I think it's badly written, but neither is it beautifully crafted, emotionally affecting prose. It's not literary.

And while I like recording various moments and happenings, these posts are not what I consider true vignettes. There's no particular insight, no real story-telling, no universal appeal. They're not even magazine-worthy.

I would like to be literary. I would like to be story teller.

Sometimes the fact that I am not prevents me from writing anything here. I read other bloggers and authors - who really are good writers, who perfectly capture moments, thoughts, feelings in a way I cannot - and am paralyzed, certain that whatever I would like to express will come out as self-absorbed angst (like this post, for example). Who wants to read that?

This is a bit dumb, I know. It's not like these other writers ever see this blog. And you, I suspect, are here as my friends and to see what the kids are up to, not as literary critics or with the expectation of a great read.

I often stay paralyzed, though, letting half-formed ideas trickle away without trying to capture them even imperfectly.

I don't know whether not being the writer I'd like to be is due to a lack of ability, a lack of training, a lack of time, a lack of passion, a lack of inspiration, a lack of something else. But if I keep on thinking I'm not good enough, if I don't just write, somewhere, then I'll never find out.

Maybe it's time for me to try.

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This is a very late response to a prompt at  Reverb10: Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing – and how can you eliminate it?

I have been looking at these for many weeks now, liking the idea of a prompt as a way to write about more than immediate happenings, but feeling I have nothing to say. This post is my first effort to overcome this, and just write.