Nanomania

Meet the latest brainwave from one of our big supermarkets for harnessing pester power: nanos. I've actually been quite into previous such giveways, which were at least somewhat educational, but these? Not only are they a complete waste of raw materials, but they are making my life hell. OK, maybe not hell, but they are definitely lowering its quality. By a LOT.

At first I thought I'd just ignore them. They're not from the supermarket I usually go to, they're useless, no skin off my nose if we never have one.

Ha ha ha, oh those marketers certainly are canny. Because even if I refuse to join the nanomania, other kids still get them, and those kids start giving their doubles to my kids, and then I feel bad because those kids don't get anything in return, and the next thing you know, there I am in the supermarket I don't usually shop at - which doesn't even stock everything I want to buy - with a couple of very delighted kids.

And, ha ha ha, the one-nano-per-$20-purchase isn't all, oh no. Each nano comes with a sticker too! And there's a sticker book you can buy to stick your nano stickers in! And don't forget the special nano box for your nano collection, which conveniently highlights exactly which ones you're still missing! So going to the right supermarket doesn't actually stop the nagging, because once you get there there's more nagging to buy the accessories! (For the record, marketers, you may have got me in your store, but I will never buy your nano extras.)

And then, there's the useless bits of plastic that are only available on particular days! Of course you don't want your kid to be the only one without the nano rocket! Only you had no idea it was only available yesterday, indeed you'd never even heard of it until a day too late! You could have gone shopping that day, and now you've missed it! The guilt! (But thankfully kind grandparents ensure that your household does in fact get a nano rocket. Phew!)

And as you might guess from their name, these nanos are not very big. Which means they are easily lost. And oh the tears when that happens! It's just so delightful to listen to wails of but I can't find all my naaaanooooos while I'm trying to cook dinner, and fruitlessly repeat "you're responsible for looking after your toys" every single frigging day.

That's not the only lesson I'm having to teach. One of my sons is currently having a few problems related to impulse control, respect for other people's property, and the subsequent accurate recounting of events. This led to, amongst other things, a ban on his being able to take nanos to school. But neither the increasingly severe consequences of his actions nor the taking away of privileges - or even my daily lecturing - have had much effect, which does not combine well with the easily-slipped-into-a-pocket nature of a nano. And so there was a complete confiscation of all his nanos ... only for me to find yet another one in his pocket, which he claimed one of the little kids at school gave him. Now, I know nanos are not the reason for the various difficulties this child is having, but the temptation they provide is certainly not making the management of these difficulties any easier.

And then! The neighbours' girl pops by each day, wanting to swap her doubles, only Lukan's lost all his and Téo's are confiscated, and she wants me to explain why this is the case. Every day.

And, when her whole family comes for dinner, the nanos come too, and there's much excitement about playing with them, but much dragging of feet about tidying them all up, which makes an already late school night even later. And when they're finally all back in the special box, the neighbours' boy picks it up the wrong way and CRASH out they all spill out all over the floor, rolling into corners and under tables, and I can't find my all my naaaanooooos echoes in a different pitch around the living room.

And then, when the kids are in bed and hooray you don't have to talk about nanos anymore, the cat finds one and the rest of the evening is accompanied by the very restful soundtrack of whack-whack-whack as she chases it around the house and bang-bang-bang as she bats it down the stairs.

Oh yes, joyous times.