Resolution

So the cat gets a bit annoying at times, leaping onto my legs, attacking, jumping onto forbidden surfaces. And it's easy to get annoyed too, especially, say, when I have my hands full cooking dinner and suddenly a not-negligible weight is hanging off my skin by its claws. Or when I want a cuddle - or even just to sit on the couch in peace - and she sinks her sharp, pointy teeth very painfully into my arms. Or when she shreds a house plant.

But then today, in a clear-headed moment as she launched herself at my legs, I thought you know what, she's a cat. A kitten still, who wants to run around and pounce, but who is locked inside 24/7. So I played chasings with her for a bit, which she loved, and then she slept solidly, happily, all afternoon.

I do the same with the kids sometimes, getting annoyed at things that, really, are just kids being kids. Like when they muck around mooning each other instead of putting on their pyjamas. Or when Téo gets distracted by a toy instead of setting the table. Or when Lukan makes a mess by making stacks with his dirty dinner plate and cup and cutlery (which, this morning, I later discovered was because he was making an IKEA-inspired frog).

I had a another clear-headed moment while marching through the vineyards one evening: I'm not always very present with my kids, focusing more on what I feel needs to be done rather than the actual moment in time.

It was a bit disheartening to realize this. And worse, that I had come to see the whole evening routine as a list of things that needed to be done, ideally as quickly and with as little mucking around as possible: make dinner, eat dinner, kids in pyjamas, teeth brushed, stories read, songs sung, lights out.

This is very sad, to view the longest stretch of time I have with my kids most weekdays as a to-do list. And I imagine not pleasant for them either to be rushed along towards bed.

So although I hadn't originally thought about making any new year's resolutions, I realised I had one after all: I want to be more present. To enjoy the evenings for what they are, with the kids as they are. Of course dinner still needs to be made and eaten, and kids still need to get into bed on time, but I have been making more of a conscious effort to be present for each individual part of the evening, each moment, and not worry so much about how long it's taking.

And you know what? Life really is much more pleasant this way.