Metamorphosis (an apparently unhelpful guide)

- I want to be a tortoise.

- A tortoise? Why?

- Because dey live to be two hundwed years old.

- Well, you know there is a way for you to become a tortoise.

- (Face lights up) How?

- Well, you go lie near a tortoise and let it eat you.

- (Face falls) Not twue.

- Yes it is, all the atoms that make you Lukan will become part of the tortoise. You will be transformed into a tortoise. You won't be you any more, but you will be a tortoise.

- (Disdain) Dat's not what I want.

- Actually, not all of you would become a tortoise. A lot would become tortoise poo.