Model behaviour

You know, there was a time when I just kind of imagined that once you had a kid reliably saying please and thank you and may I, then you were done with the teaching of manners.

I'm not really liking that this is not the case.

I was thinking about it the other day, about how I don't like having to endlessly do the same things over and over. It was one thing I didn't like about science as a job - always having to repeat experiments. I still remember the relief and... I'm searching for the word here... freedom, somehow, I felt after I finished my first writing project at QIAGEN: I worked, the job was done, and it was finished. No more going back to it, ever. Woohoo!

I'm always having to go back to Téo about his manners.

Daily, repeatedly, I ask him to talk more nicely. Explain that he is more likely to get what he wants if he talks politely. Give him time outs for not talking politely. Refuse to acknowledge what he's said unless it's said politely. Try to use the times when he's upset because someone has not spoken nicely to him as an example of why he should talk nicely to others.

But daily, repeatedly, he is bossy and rude - to me, to our neighbour's girl, to our neighbour's boy, to Lukan, to someone. Not every time he speaks, but often.

I was getting more and more irritated by his failure to just Stop Being Rude already... and then last week, once again, I heard my own tone in his voice. My own words, too.

Oh.

Now, I do think that adults have a right to speak to children in a manner that is not acceptable the other way around.

And, not that this is an excuse, but it is different to be rude as a matter of course than to be driven to the point of rudeness because your kid has not listened to the several polite requests that came beforehand.

But still, the fact is that Téo is having a lot of bossy, annoyed, frustrated speaking directed at him lately, because it's not just his manners he's forgetting but, over and over again, the rules we have set.

Some are minor, like using cutlery instead of fingers. Others are not. Like not riding his bike on the street without an adult. And looking both ways before crossing the road. And not leaving from the playground or someone's house without first telling an adult that he's going.

We do need to speak to him sternly about these things, but nevertheless, I do see the hypocrisy of ordering him to speak nicely in all situations, even when he's annoyed, when I don't always make the same effort myself.

So last week I started trying to consistently speak politely to my kids.

It's really hard.

I feel like some fake sit-com mother as I force out a pleasant tone through gritted teeth.

I don't always manage it.

But if I want my kids to respect what I say - to respect me - then I need to practice what I preach.

Daily, repeatedly. Endlessly.