Egg hunt

Their sheer delight in hunting for, and then finding, small bits of crappy chocolate saw me running ahead of them all morning, hiding extra eggs, ignoring my cruel and obsessive quest to limit sugar intake at every opportunity. Just for one day, though.

Why have kids?

Good question.

When I was a teenager and well into my 20s, I declared I wouldn't be having any. The future seemed bleak, there were already too many people, why bring more into it? I was sure I'd terminate any pregnancy.

Then I turned 30. I can't say I felt the ticking of any clock, but I did feel a subtle, fundamental shift: I suspected that I wouldn't terminate a pregnancy.

Then I met C... and his family. The first time I came to their village, his parents and sister were at the station to meet me off the train, and his brother and his brother's girlfriend were waiting back at the house where we all had cake and tea. At midnight.

Even not understanding a word, the closeness of this family was palpable. I looked at everyone chatting and laughing easily, and imagined how proud C's parents must be of their children.

For the first time ever, I thought it would be nice to have a family of my own.

-------------------------------------

Last year a friend of mine wrote an article questioning how green it is to have kids.

I work for environmental organizations. I know humanity is stripping the planet bare. I know that having a child is the single worst thing I could ever do footprint-wise. I actually have little hope for the future of most nature, entirely because of human overpopulation. Yet I still reproduced, twice. And there's a chance I may even do so again.

I do worry about the future - the possibility of war, of famine, of miserable toiling to survive ... the realities of many places today, and most generations prior to my own. I really do feel like I'm living in this little bubble of peace and luxury, a bubble that will soon pop to join the vast majority of experiences in the rest of human history.

So why did I have kids then, adding to the number of people and subjecting them to suffer the consequences of climate change and other environmental upheavals?

In her article, my friend says that when she posed the same question, she was met with resounding silence.

In trying to answer her question, I too find myself mute. I wrote the above months ago, but have come up with nothing more than I wanted a family. And the sure knowledge that despite knowing how environmentally unfriendly our species is, despite understanding the seriousness of overpopulation, despite my worries about the future, I will never, not for a single second, regret or feel guilt for my kids' existence, no matter how many I have.

Selfish genes indeed.

Talking points

Lukan's speaking picked up pace while we were in Sydney - it was the whole new word each day thing, and even a sentence (mah-mee, where yah yoo?) and counting to five. So cute! So lovely!

But any happy thoughts of how life will be easier once he can talk properly were quickly dispelled in the car yesterday.

- So, what are we going to do about ...

- MAH-MEE!

- Yes Lukan?

- Scuse me mummy...

- Hang on Téo, yes Lukan?

- Ka!

- Yes, you saw a car. Téo?

- Mummy, when is S coming to stay at our place?

- In two weeks. So then, what are we...

- MAH-MEE!

- Is S coming tomorrow?

- No Téo, in two weeks. OK, about...

- MAH-MEE!

- Yes Lukan?

- Dac-der!

- Now about...

- MAH-MEE! MAH-MEE!

- Yes Lukan?

- Dac-der!

- Yes Lukan, you saw a tractor.

- Mummy...

- Téo, you need to say excuse me. Abou...

- Scuse me mummy, it's tomorrow that she's coming?

- No, not tomorrow, in two weeks.

- MAH-MEE!

It was easier when they were mute.

English to French and back again

Téo's first words were in English. Then, one by one, they turned to French.

I panicked. I searched for English playmates, implored C to speak to him in English, toyed with the idea of an English creche. He only watched DVDs in English. Most of his books were in English. My child would speak English!!

It wasn't until he was over three though that he began talking properly in English. Prior to that, his French was French, but his English was franglais, a mix of English and French. Even my native-English-speaking friends here spoke to him in French since he mainly spoke in French.

The trigger was going to Sydney for Christmas. After a week or so, his franglais disappeared - and he never looked back. He could switch perfectly between English and French depending on who he was speaking to. He could translate for me when I didn't understand. His grammar was sometimes a bit mixed up, and he had a French accent when speaking English and an English one when speaking French, but he was fully bilingual.

His only hangup was that he couldn't talk to me in French, or to C in English. I suspect he still can't talk to me in French, but in August, during our English-speaking holiday in Scotland, he became able to speak to C in English. Another breakthrough.

Then, with visits late last year from my mum, brother's family and school friend, he had six more weeks of only speaking English between September and November. More and more often he began to initiate conversations with C in English. His French turned to franglais. And in February, he started talking to our Swiss friends - friends we have only ever spoken to in French - in English.

We arrived back home from Australia on Saturday - and Téo can no longer speak French. It all went out, he explained to C when at his cousins' over the weekend.

Um, oops. Guess my English offensive went a bit too far there.

Brave to be home

Once again, several of you called me brave while I was in Oz. Brave for flying halfway around the world with two little kids, brave for being a single mum for a month.

Honestly though, compared to being home alone with the kids today, the trip was easy peesy.

Four hours sleep during a 24-hour journey? Fine. Lukan throwing up copiously on the plane to Sydney? Fine. Lukan just being Lukan on the plane? Fine. A sick, clingy, whiny Lukan for 2 weeks? Fine. Lukan waking me at 5 most mornings? Fine.

Yes, it was all fine because even though I was tired, we were never alone. With new toys to examine, playmates each day and fun excursions, Téo did not constantly demand my attention. And being in other people's homes meant I didn't really have to do anything. I helped when I could, but it wasn't me planning the meals, doing the shopping, or cooking. I wasn't working. I didn't have a house to keep tidy. I didn't even completely look after my own washing.

Today I had to do all these things (except work, that starts tomorrow). Lukan was sick. Téo nagged nonstop for me to play with him. Fusses were kicked up. We were all up at 5 thanks to Lukan... and my goodness does the day drag when you're up that early, it's grey and chilly outside, and you have no adult company. Oddly, tolerance to bedtime screaming also becomes severely diminished.

C is away from tomorrow morning until midnight Friday. I'm thinking I should have stayed in Sydney for another week...

Sydney summer

Cockies screeching
Lorrikeets chattering
Kookaburras laughing
Kids squealing, chasing, splashing

Planes roaring
Prawns sizzling
Sausages blackening
Wine opened, poured and drunk

Night falling
Lightning flashing
Thunder scaring
Fat drops chase us home

Postcard

Dear all,

We are in Australia! I did mean to tell you we were going, but, well, you know, things got busy. So then I thought I'd pop you a line to say we'd arrived safely, but Lukan and I were quite sick the first week, and jet lagged, so not much got done. We left the bug with my family in Sydney and headed to Melbourne for a week. Tomorrow we go back to Sydney where I hope my brother will have gotten rid of the bug. And forgiven me for letting it loose in his house.

Anyway, we are having fun and enjoying the warmth, water and sand. I'll fill you in once I'm back home.

love Emma